Celebration

Sometimes you just gotta party! Doesn't this look like fun?! This is my end of chemo celebration we had last Saturday. My neighborhood friends are wearing hats made by Virginia (in the pink sweater) that we decorated with flowers. We completed 24 hats! They will be going on the free hat tree where I had my chemo treatments.

We also made over 100 cards with inspirational quotes. These cards will be put in bags that are given out by the Rack Pack Foundation to women that are newly diagnosed with breast cancer. I felt so good to do something that will help women that are going through what I went through. Thanks everyone that came and helped. This celebration was perfect! Friends and service- oh I can't forget the cheesecake. It was so yummy!

Which brings me to another subject. My taste is back! Now that is something to celebrate. Today was the first day that I can say it is back 100%. I am going to have to be so careful though. I want to taste everthing now. I will have to pace myself so I don't gain 50 pounds!

Back on the 11th Steve and I attended a dinner that my support group- the Young Survivor Sisters have every year. They call it "Celebration of Life." It was at the Joseph Smith Meorial Building and Hillary Weeks was the guest speaker. She is an LDS singer/songwriter. This is a song she shared with us. It explains exactly how I feel!
Click here to see her video.

Last Chemo Today :)

Jordan came with me to my last chemo. Steve was there too- he took the picture. It is not easy to go with someone to chemo. It is not the most uplifting place to be. I am glad though that all my kids got a chance to come. And Steve, well he has just been my constant companion through all of this- basketball season and all.

It's a great feeling to be done. I go back in 6 weeks for blood tests. My hair should start coming back in about then. My taste will come back even sooner! Looking forward to that. I am kinda tired of the constant metallic taste.

I had a very simple tender mercy today. Did any of you see that beautiful sunrise? Well, this is selfish, but I felt like it was just for me on my last day of chemo. Another way my Heavenly Father shows me how much He loves me.

The Storm Will Pass

Psalm 91:4 "He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust"

This photographer captured exactly how I have felt the past few months. This storm has been the worst in my life, but I have felt safe in his care. I have been so blessed with mild side effects, the prayers of many, an incredibly supportive family, and a peace that passeth understanding. As I come up on my last treatment, I am so thankful for all these blessings that have helped me through this storm.

Round Three- Finished (Only one more Baby!)

My third round of chemo my girls came with me. (I failed to mention before that Steven went with me to my second round since he was home for Christmas.) I think it is good for them to come and see what it is all about. As you can see we had fun- as much fun as you can at chemo. It is actually a boring 3 1/2 hours. They were troopers though- didn't complain once. Heather even had a good nap.:) Everything went very smooth and I feel good today. I had a great run this morning. Loved the sunshine, I haven't run this much outside during the winter. I just can't bring myself to go to the gym since a lost my hair. Bandana or hat? I think I will try tomorrow.

I left out a tender mercy in my last post. (thanks Kara for the reminder) I listen to a christian radio station call KLOVE. The day my hair started falling out, when I got in the car after the gym the DJ was quoting Matthew 10:30 "But the very hairs of your head are numbered." This was another testament to me that Heavenly Father knows and loves me and is there for me. And He can show that love anytime or anywhere.

My father passed away 11 years ago on Jan 10th so tuesday I was thinking about him a lot. We got his temple work done last year and as I was thinking about this a very strong feeling came over me, because his temple work is done he is now more free to help me and be there for me. Thoughout all this I have felt support from him and my brother-in-law Glenn that recently passed away from cancer. One more way that my Father in heaven has shown his deep love for me.

So my last chemo is Feb. 1st. It has really flown by. I would not wish this on my worst enemy, but is has been doable. Mostly because of the support from people like you!

Tender Mercies

As promised this post will focus on some of the tender mercies I have experienced the last few months. Here is a good description of what I am talking about by Elder David A. Bednar, "Through personal study, observation, pondering and prayer, I believe I have come to better understand that the Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ."

The day my hair started falling out was hard. Luckily I didn't have to work that day so I took some time to get through it. At the gym I heard a song on my Ipod that took me back to a 'Mercy Me' concert that Steve and I went to the Saturday after I was diagnosed. Steve was so inspired to buy the tickets for this concert long before we knew what was ahead of us. That concert strengthened me and made me realized that my Heavenly Father loves me and shows that love through small tender mercies. That morning as my hair was falling out- I needed to be reminded of that concert and how I can make it through with His help. Without these blessings I would probably be in a fetal position sucking my thumb. A few of them are:

-a patriarchal blessing that tells me I will live "to a ripe old age if I desire it"
-completing a crazy marathon that blesses me both physically and emotionally
-being able to go to Florida and have those memories
-countless friends at work that took up donations to cover all of my co-pays
-an incredible ward with so many friends that support me
-and of course a family that has rallied around me with love and encouragement

This list is not finished. There will be more and as they come I will tell you all about them. Since my diagnosis I have looked for reasons why or what I am to learn from this test. I have realized that I need to encourage all my friends to get mammograms and that maybe someday I can help someone else with the same diagnosis. Now I have realized that there is something more I can do. I can help others see tender mercies in their lives and help them understand how much Heavenly Father loves each of us. I do not understand how He does it, but He knows exactly what we need when we need it. As we begin 2012, let's look for ways that Heavenly Father blesses each of us.

Merry Chemo Christmas (or Round 2 is in the bag)

Wednesday I had my second round of chemo. So far I have felt about the same as before. I had a great 3 hour nap today! Other than the fatigue- I feel pretty good. I am all ready for Christmas and that feels great. From my picture you can see my hair is gone. The day it started coming out I didn't have to work, so had some time to work through my feelings and come to grips with it. I have been blessed with many tender mercies from our Heavenly Father. So many, in fact, that I will dedicated my next blog to that subject. It only took a couple days and when it started coming out in clumps, I took charge and had Heather give me a buzz. I was so glad I did because as it all fell out it was easier. Cancer has taken a lot from me, but that are some things it won't. A great friend shared this with me-
"What Cancer Cannot Do"
It cannot-
Invade the soul
Suppress memories
Kill friendship
Destroy peace
Conquer the spirit
Shatter hope
Silence courage
Cripple love
Corrode faith
Steal eternal life

And I would like to add one more- it cannot take away the Christmas spirit. I feel it more than ever this year. I want to thank all of you for your support in this fight. My battle has been easier because of your love, thoughts and prayers. As I have said before- I can feel them. I hope that you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Same Son

Now that my first round of chemo has worked its magic, I thought I would let you know how it went. My first symptom was not one I had been told about. The morning after (Thurs) I woke up very flushed. My face was warm to the touch and looked sort of red but it was not a fever. My guess is it was just how I reacted to the chemicals. I felt fine and worked all day. Friday morning the redness was gone and I still felt good. I went on a great run with my running partner Kara (you want a great laugh and some inspiration click here). Later on that day I started feeling fuzzy or cloudy. The closest thing I can compare it to is when your sinuses are all clogged and you can't think. I just felt like lying down. I took a good nap so I could go to the game that night. Saturday was worse. To help boost your immune system, they give you a shot called Neulasta. It causes bone and joint pain. Luckily, they have figured out that Claratin helps for some reason so I kept that in my system but when it wore off it was not fun. So Saturday I just didn't feel like doing anything- so I didn't :) I never felt any nausea which was nice. Monday my taste buds checked out. Yep, everything tastes metallic. Some things are worse than others. The worst is carbonated drinks. Its okay they aren't good for you anyway. It is all temporary, right?

So this week I will find out if my hair is going to fall out or not. There is a small percentage of people that don't lose their hair, but I am not counting on that. Most people lose it between the 12th and 18th day after chemo. And once it starts- it goes quick. I am ready with some hats and a couple wigs that were given to me. I think it will be pretty tough. It is just really hard to imagine.

I went on another good run yesterday and I would like to share a thought I had. In my last post I talked about how I found my "happy place" during chemo by thinking of Florida. On my run the sun was shining and I thought of how cold it was compared to the warmth I felt Florida. Then I realized it is the same sun. Even though it might not feel as warm, I can still close my eyes and remember. Then I thought of our Heavenly Father's Son. He is the same Son that was born that Christmas night over 2000 years ago. He is the same Son that lived a perfect, sinless life. He is the same Son that suffered for my sins and took the sting of death away. He is the same Son that knows exactly how I feel because of his suffering and has been with me every step of the way. He is the same Son that loves me perfectly, unconditionally for eternity.